Boobs. Let’s talk about ’em.
First off, let me set the record straight by saying I fully support breastfeeding and think it is one of the most amazing things about the human body. BUT I also have a ton of respect for anyone who chooses NOT to breastfeed for many reasons. At the end of the day, FED IS BEST and as mamas we have to figure out what works best for us and our babies. If that means nursing, then that’s freakin amazing. If it means formula, that’s freakin amazing too. You just brought a life into the world– now your job is to keep it alive and love it harder than you’ve ever loved before (regardless of how you’re feeding it).
IF you are a new mama struggling with nursing, or even a pregnant mama trying to do her research on it– I wanted to write a post and be completely honest about how mother effing HARD it has been for me personally with both kids, but also how WORTH IT the struggle has been in the end.
If you’re a man reading this, you may want to stop now. Things get graphic and you may never look at boobs the same.
When I was pregnant with my 4 1/2 year old (Peter Joseph), I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding, but I wouldn’t say I was completely heart-set and fully determined to do so. I knew the health and bonding benefits of it, but I didn’t have the mentality that I was going to do anything/everything I possibly could to make it work.
I remember bringing him home and my world just feeling like it was picked up and slammed on top of me. We got pregnant with Peter unexpectedly, so when I say it was a hard adjustment for us it’s a massive understatement (more on that for another post).
Nursing was a struggle. I tried for a couple of weeks to get him to latch efficiently and we just couldn’t find our groove. I quickly felt defeated and started to just pump and give him bottles, which actually became SUCH a relief. I had been in so much pain for those first couple of weeks and I had finally found something that was working (which is exactly what you need to do when you have a new baby!) I ended up exclusively pumping for a little under 5 months, and then I called it quits and weaned him to formula. I just couldn’t keep up with the excessive pumping with a super demanding job at the time.
I wish I would have had a better understanding of the wealth of resources at my fingertips that could have given me more guidance and support through those first couple of weeks. Why? Because of my second experience with Benji was so much different!
When I was pregnant with Benji, I had a completely different mentality about nursing. I was 100% determined to fight for it. My sister Katie totally inspired me with her first son. She was SO passionate and heart-set on breastfeeding her first baby boy and would NOT give up, no matter what it took. He was actually tongue tied and she painfully nursed him for 6 weeks until she got it fixed, and then continued to nurse him until he was almost 2!
When I was in the hospital with Benji, I thought he was latching okay. It was hurting but I thought it was just because my nips weren’t “conditioned” for this yet and he was nursing constantly because he was a newborn. When I was getting ready to leave the hospital, my nurse (who was also a lactation consultant) took a look at my boobs and gasped. She told me I should NOT have raw nipples like that, and proceeded to give me so much help and guidance that I was so incredibly grateful for. I left the hospital feeling like she had given me the right pointers and guidance to make this work.
Then we got home, and my milk came in. You guys, I cannot even explain to you how engorged my boobs were for a few days. I am talking ROCKS in my boobs to the point where you could feel ACTUAL KNOTS that felt like golf balls. When I looked at them in the mirror they were so lumpy and hard it was actually alarming and I cried so much because I was just exhausted and hormonal and felt like a failure and wanted it to all just go away. And he still wasn’t latching perfectly, but I stuck through it and kept using the techniques my lactation consultant to teach him to latch.
By about 4 days postpartum, my nipples were literally bleeding and pussing. No, I am not exaggerating. No matter how much lanolin/nipple cream I used, by boobs were just completely mangled. I called my lactation consultant and she said to give them a rest. Pump and give Benji bottles for a day or two to give my nipples time to heal, and then start working at it again. So I did.
Things started to get better, but once I introduced pumping, I started overproducing milk. Because I had started pumping, my body was thinking I needed to make more milk than Benji actually needed. Therefore whenever Benji would nurse, my milk would let down super fast and basically choke him because there was so much of it. Right when we started finally get the latch down a little better, my milk was coming in so fast that it was making him choke and cough and then refuse the boob (which led to constant fussiness because he was always hungry and frustrated. Great).
So I called the lactation department. Again. She gave me the advice to only nurse on one side per feeding and STOP pumping in order to slow my supply down a bit. She assured me I was doing an amazing job (which I needed to hear) and that it might take a few days but it would work. And it did.
In the end, I think I’d say it took me a good 6 weeks to finally get to a place with nursing where I actually felt like we had mastered it and it was comfortable. And even then, the only way we could nurse on the right side was in the weird football hold position with him wrapped around my right side (hilarious– but at least we found something that worked!)
Six weeks is a long ass freaking time. It takes determination in cases like mine. Some women have babies, they naturally latch, and everything is easy from day one. But I can almost guarantee you that is a VERY rare situation.
Moral of the story, breastfeeding can be really hard. For something that is so natural, it can feel so UNnatural. But it’s not because you suck at it, or because your baby sucks at it, or because you’re a bad mom (even thought it can definitely make you feel like a failure at times). It’s because sometimes you have to work to TEACH your baby how to do it. You have to work together and learn together.
Now that I have terrified you, let me tell you that I have never been more grateful for fighting through the pain those six weeks. I have loved every second of nursing Benji and I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. It is the most incredible bonding experience and there’s just something so special about it that you can’t even put into words– you’ll just have to experience it for yourself. Plus, deep down I feel like a total bad ass for overcoming and conquering something so challenging that felt so defeating at times in the beginning.
You can do anything you set your mind to. It might take some pain, a lot of tears, a lot of sleepless nights– but if you want it, you can make it happen. Research the resources around you. Your lactation consultant is willing to be your BFF if you need her to be. Mine was basically on speed dial for 6 weeks, and that’s okay. That’s what they’re there for.
Fed is best. Boobs are amazing. Women are superheroes. Who run the world?
<3
A couple of helpful resources if you’re planning to breastfeed or having a difficult time:
*Your hospital’s lactation department. If you’re in the Columbus area, the Riverside Hospital lactation department is absolutely amazing. You don’t have to have your baby there for them to help you. They WANT to help each and every mama feel comfortable and master the art of nursing their babies 🙂
https://www.ohiohealth.com/services/womens-health/our-programs/breastfeeding/
*La Leche League– this website is an international, nonprofit, nonsectarian organization dedicated to providing education, information, support, and encouragement to families who want to breast/chestfeed their babies.
http://www.lllohio.org
*Lastly, don’t be afraid to reach out to people that have experienced breastfeeding struggles themselves for their advice (people like me!) Never be ashamed to ask for help with ANYTHING mom related. That’s the beauty of social media and the digital world we live in– it allows us to connect with each other, share our advice and struggles, and build each other up! I am here for you if you need advice!
